Night at the Museum Part 4

LARRY
Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there,
I need you, pal!

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Someone call my name?
Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.

Nicky is amazed.

LARRY
Teddy, can you get us out of here?

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Can't do it, man. This is your moment.

LARRY
Will you save the lectures, please? I'm not you. Okay? I didn't build
the Panama Canal, I wasn't president of the United States! I need some
help. Come on.


TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Actually...I never did any of those things. Teddy Roosevelt did. I was
made in a mannequin factory in Poughkeepsie. I never shot a wild beast.
I'm not even brave enough to tell that beautiful woman I love her.
But you...you gotta finish the job this time. You can't quit.
I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?


Teddy rides away.

LARRY
Wait! That's all you got for me?

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
That's it!

Suddenly Akhmenrah begins to shake in his sarcophagus.  His jackal guards come to
life and attack Larry and Nicky.

LARRY
That's it. Come on. Duck! Go over there!

Akhmenrah wakes up and takes the bandages off his head.


LARRY
Hey. Hi. How you doing? Sorry to bother you...but your guys there? Your jackal guys?
Do you think you could ask them to back off, please? We're not trying to hurt you, they think
we are. Could you do it like now?

Akhmenrah calls them off.

LARRY
Thank you. Nicky.

NICKY
Dad?

AHKMENRAH
You would not believe how stuffy it is in there.

NICKY
How can you speak English?

AHKMENRAH
I went to Cambridge University.

LARRY
You went to Cambridge?

AHKMENRAH
I was on display in the Egyptology Department. I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king
of the fourth king...ruler of the land of my fathers.

LARRY
I am Larry...son of Milton...and this is my son, Nick.
And we hail from Brooklyn. Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and
stays with me on Wednesdays...and every other weekend.
That was the custody agreement that we had.

AHKMENRAH
Larry, Nick, guardians of Brooklyn...I am forever in your debt.
Now bestow the tablet upon me...so that I may assume command
of my kingdom.

LARRY
Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet. I would...love to bestow it upon you,
but we don't actually...have it.

The Jackal guards make a hole in the wall.  Larry, Nick, and Akhmenrah leave.


LARRY (TO GUARDS)
Thanks, guys. Don't worry. I'll watch out for him!

Larry sees the Huns.

AHKMENRAH
What is that?

LARRY
Huns. I gotta deal with this guy.

Larry runs at the Huns and they yell at each other.

AHKMENRAH
Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun. He says that he wants to rip you apart.

LARRY
All right. Again with the ripping. Listen, I understand.
I get it. Ripping for you... You want to rip things, okay?
And I think maybe that's because somebody ripped you a long time ago.
In here.

Larry indicates his heart.

LARRY
Somebody ripped little...baby Attila a long time ago,
right here. They ripped something out, didn't they?
They ripped the love. They ripped the love right out of you,
didn't they? A little baby all alone in a tent..whose daddy
went off...to pillage some town...or go and plunder somewhere,
just doing his job. But who was left alone? You.

Attila starts to cry on Larry's shoulder.

LARRY
Let it out. Let it go. Let it go. It's okay. It's okay.

Larry points at another Hun.

LARRY (TO HUN)
You're next.

Larry continues to comfort Atilla.

LARRY (TO ATILLA)
Good. That's good. Just breathe.

HUN
Larry Daley.

LARRY
Yeah. Good. Yes.

INT.MUSEUM

LARRY
Yeah. Okay. Good, good.

LARRY
All right!　I need everybody to listen up!

LARRY
Guys! Come on!

Moai roars.

MOAI
Quiet!

Everyone is quiet.

MOAI
My dum-dum want to speak.

LARRY
Thank you. Now, this here's King Ahkmenrah.
His tablet is what brings you to life
every night. And those old night watchmen?
They stole it. Now, we need to find those guards
and get the tablet back...and we need to do it
before morning. Civil War guys,　head over to
 the Planetarium Wing. My explorer friend　whose
name escapes me.

NICKY
It's Columbus.　

LARRY
Right, Columbus! Right, I'm sorry. There's no
nameplate, so...Columbus, take the Neanderthals...
and do a sweep from lnvertebrates all the way
through Reptiles. Jed and Octavius, their van's parked
out back. Go take care of it.

JED
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! No, sir. I ain't working with toga boy.

OCTAVIUS
Romans work alone.

Jed hits Octavius.  Octavius cries out.

JED
That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby.

OCTAVIUS
Yes, it did.

Octavius hits Jed.

JED
Come on. That was much harder!

LARRY
Guys, come on! Jed, Octavius. Take away the fact you were born
2000 years apart...you guys aren't that different.
You're both great leaders. You just want what's best
for your people, right?

OCTAVIUS
Yeah.

JED
Yeah.

LARRY
Civil War dudes. You guys are brothers, for God's sakes.
You gotta stop fighting. North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry.
Don't wanna burst your bubble. But, South, you guys get
Allman Brothers and NASCAR, so just chill! Look, without
that tablet, all of this whole coming-to-life-at-night thing,
it all goes away. Now, I don't wanna let that happen,
but I need your help. We can get this done, but we gotta do it
together. So who's with me?

EVERYONE
Yeah.

LARRY
Who's with me?

EVERYONE
Yeah!

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Yeah! Charge!

LARRY
All right! Now, let's do this, people! And animals! And weird,
faceless puppet creatures. Come on, let's go! Let's do it!

EXT.MUSEUM
Jed and Octavius go to the van parked outside the museum.

JED
Come on! Follow me, boys! Geronimo!

INT.MUSEUM
Reginald finds Gus all tied up.

GUS
Oh, jeez.

The Civil War soldiers surround Reginald.

REGINALD
Now, boys, we can do this the easy way
or the hard way. I guess it's gonna be the hard way.

EXT.MUSEUM

OCTAVIUS
Right, men, we're almost there.

OCTAVIUS
Save yourself!

JED
I ain't quitting you!

INT.MUSEUM

CECIL
Gus? Reginald? Fellas, where are you? Guys?

Gus and Reginald have been tied up.

LARRY
That's what I'm talking about. Good job, gentlemen.
Loving the teamwork!

EXT. MUSEUM
Larry and Ahkmenrah see that the van is gone.

AHKMENRAH
They've vanished. How will we find them?

LARRY
I know someone who can help. Come on. Watch out!
Hey, Sakagawea, or wea. Listen,
I need a favor. Somebody stole his tablet.
You think you can track the guys　who took it?

EXT.MUSEUM
Sakagawea examines the tire tracks of Cecil's car outside the museum.

SAKAGAWEA
He went east but he lost control and crashed.

LARRY
You're amazing. How can you tell that?

Sakagawea points to the car that crashed.

SAKAGAWEA
He left the wagon...and went back.

LARRY
He went back? Why would he go back?

Cecil comes out riding on a horse carriage.

CECIL
Get out of the way!

Teddy saves Sakagawea from being hit by the carriage, and
is hit himself.

SAKAGAWEA
You saved me.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
You're worth saving, my dear.

Teddy looks at his body.  He has been cut in half.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
That's problematic.

LARRY
Teddy. Oh, man.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Larry, relax. I'm wax.
***************Part 3*****************

LARRY
Excuse me. President Roosevelt,
this is my friend Rebecca.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
An honor.

REBECCA
Hi.

LARRY
And this is Sakagawea.

REBECCA
Wea.

LARRY
I think she has a few questions
she wants to ask you.

REBECCA
You rock. I am a big fan.

SAKAGAWEA
What would you like to know?

REBECCA
Well, I mean, I don't know where to start, but....

EXT. MUSEUM
Teddy Roosevelt and Larry are counting the creatures coming into the museum.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
One Buddha.

LARRY
Check.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Two zebras.

LARRY
Right. Check.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Dexter! Welcome back.

LARRY
Hey, Dex, so look. No hard feelings, all right?

Dexter hits Larry.  Larry starts to hit him back.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Lawrence!

LARRY
You saw! You saw what he did just then!

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Who's evolved?

LARRY
I am.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Good.

LARRY
Well, they're all here.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Well done. Everyone's in.

LARRY
Yeah, well...not everyone. We lost a couple of good, little men
out there tonight.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
With great victory comes great sacrifice.

LARRY
Yeah.

NICKY
Dad, look.

They see Octavius and the cowboy.

COWBOY
You ain't getting rid of us that easy.

It is almost morning.  Teddy Roosevelt mounts his horse.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Until tomorrow evening, Lawrence?

LARRY
Yeah. I don't know about that, Teddy. It's gonna be tough
to talk my way out of this one.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Well, if that's indeed the case...then it's farewell, my friend. Nick?
Your father's a great man.

NICKY
I know.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT(TO LARRY)
Told you.

LARRY
All right. Good night.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
No, Lawrence. Good day.

LARRY
Hey, Teddy?

Teddy has turned into a statue.

LARRY
Thanks.

INT. DR. MCPHEE'S OFFICE
Dr. McPhee and Larry are watching the news.

REPORTER
You're watching New York 1. News all morning. Thanks for joining us.
There is a fresh blanket of snow. But it's not the snow that's got New
Yorkers talking. It's what's in the snow. There are dinosaur tracks along
West 81st Street. Here's the remarkable video. These appear to be Tyrannosaurus
Rex tracks...and they lead straight to the Museum of Natural History. Authorities
have found what appear to be cave drawings in the subway. Neanderthals atop the
museum roof. Elaborate hoax or publicity stunt? You be the judge, but one thing's for sure:
The folks at the Natural History Museum have really outdone them--


DR. MCPHEE
Any explanation at all?

LARRY
No. Got nothing.

DR. MCPHEE
Good. I'll take your keys and your flashlight.

They walk outside, and the museum is packed with people. Dr. McPhee returns Larry's keys and flashlight.

MUSEUM STAFF
Folks, this way.

INT. CLASSROOM
Nicky is giving a speech to the class.

NICKY
My name is Nick Daley. My Career Day parent is my dad.
He's the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History.

The class claps.

LARRY
Hey, how's it going? Well, Nicky said it: I'm the night watchman
at the Museum of Natural History. Let me tell you something:
That's when history comes alive. How many of you guys have been over
 to the museum?

INT. MUSEUM
That night, there is a party.  All the museum creatures are dancing.  Some Romans
are playing soccer.

ROMAN
Goal!

Nicky is riding the T-Rex.

LARRY
Hey, it's getting late. Are you ready to go home?

NICKY
Nope. Let's ride.

Cecil, Reginald, and Gus are mopping the floor.

REGINALD
It was nice of Larry not to rat us out, but this is ridiculous. We're night
watchmen, not janitors!

CECIL
Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job. I'll gonna catch a few Z's.

GUS
You ain't going nowhere. Start mopping, hot dog. Over here.