Edward Scissorhands Part 2

INT.HOUSE
Neighbours gather at the door.

NEIGHBOURS
 Hi!

JOYCE
 You-all are hidin' in there like hermit crabs.

PEG
 Hi, Joyce. Hi!

JOYCE
 Shame on you,keepin' your unusual guest to yourself.We think that's mighty selfish of you.

PEG
 Things have been hectic here.

JOYCE
 That is so sweet of you to wanna correct the situation.What time does the barbecue begin?

PEG
 Barbecue?

JOYCE
 You intend to introduce
 your guest to your friends......don't you?

NEIGHBOUR
 I'll bring coleslaw.

Everyone makes offers.

JOYCE
 And I will bring the ambrosia salad! What time was it that you said?

PEG
 Uh, what time... Bill!

JOYCE
 About five?

PEG
Bill!

Esmeralda approaches the neighbors.

ESMERALDA
He has been sent first to tempt you!But it's not too late.You must
push him from you, expel him.Trample down the perversion of nature.

JOYCE
Did you hear that? He's a perversion of nature.Why, isn't that excitin'?

Joyce laughs.

NEIGHBOURS
Bye-bye.

PEG
Thanks so much.

INT. KITCHEN
Peg enters the kitchen.

PEG
Bill! Bill? You really can't have a picnic or a barbecue without devilled eggs.
They're just... the best. They make a thing.

Edward is chopping cabbage.

Oh, Edward, that's wonderful!I didn't know you'd chopped the whole thing. We're gonna be...Oh.

Edward nicks himself.

PEG
All right now, it's just a nick.There's no need to be nervous, dear.Esmeralda won't be here.
And the rest of the neighbours, they're really very nice.There's no need to be nervous.They're
so eager to meet you! You just have to be yourself.

EDWARD
Myself?

PEG
That's right. Just your own sweet self.

Edward remembers the lab where the inventor made him.

INT.LAB
A machine wheezes and gasps.

EXT.YARD
Peg's family and neighbours have a barbecue.

NEIGHBOUR KID
Thanks, Edward. Hey! Play scissors, paper, stone with us.
 Play scissors!

NEIGHBOR
What I got a doctor friend might be able to help you.

The neighbors are admiring Edward's gardening skills.

PEG
He did them just like that!

NEIGHBOR
That is incredible.

JACK
Hi, Mike, how you doin'?

MIKE
Hello, Jack. Hey, kids!

GEORGE
Hi, George Monroe. That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.
Harry! I saw you on the golf course last week... Are you OK?

The neighbor women all gather around Edward.

NEIGHBOR WOMEN
Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry? Do you want a cracker?

JOYCE
He's different.

HELEN
Completely different.

JOYCE
No kidding. He's so...  Mysterious.

HELEN
Yeah.

JOYCE
D'you imagine those hands are hot or cold?
And just think what a single snip could do.

Helen laughs.

HELEN
Or undo.

GEORGE
Eddie. Eddie. The guys and I want to invite you to our card game Friday night.
Would you like that? Only thing is... you can't cut!

An old man talks to Edward.

OLD MAN
I have my own infirmity.Never did me a bit of harm.Took some shrapnel during the war,
and ever since then I can't feel a thing!Don't you ever let anybody tell you
 you have a handicap.

JOYCE
Who's handicapped? My goodness.Don't be ridiculous!You're not handicapped, you're...What
do they call the... exceptional? My name's Joyce, and I noticed that you
 have not tasted any of the ambrosia salad......that I made especially for you.Allow me.

Joyce feeds Edward.

EDWARD
Mmm!Mmmm!

NEIGHBOURS
You must try this. It's my mother's recipe. Doesn't this look gorgeous?
With a green thumb like yours, I sure could use your help at my place.
 I want a row of angels!

JOYCE
I am so sorry, ladies, but he's promised to come to my house first. Haven't you, Eddie?

EDWARD
I did?

BILL
OK, everybody, grab your plates! Soup's on!

EDWARD
Azhuzhizha zhigabab.

BILL
What?

EDWARD
I thuzhizha zhizhgabab.

BILL
It is shish kebab. It was a figure of speech.
 You shouldn't take things so literally.

INT.LAB
The inventor is reading a book about etiquette to Edward.

INVENTOR
 "Let us pretend we are in the drawing room and the hostess
 is serving tea.""Many numerous little questions confront us."
"Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea?"
"May lump sugar be taken with the fingers?"

EDWARD
No.

INVENTOR
 "Is it good form to accept a second cup?""Should the napkin be
entirely unfolded......or should the centre crease be allowed to remain?"
"It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders......but etiquette tells us
 just what is expected of us......and guards us from all humiliation and
 discomfort."Mm, yes. Boring.

The inventor takes out another book.

Let us switch to, uh......to some poetry, hm?"There was an old man from the Cape,"
"Who made himself garments of crepe.""When asked: Will they tear?""He replied: Here
 and there."But they keep such a beautiful shape!"

The inventor laughs.

INVENTOR
That's right. Go ahead, smile. It's funny.That's right.

EXT.ROAD IN FRONT OF KIM'S HOUSE

JIM
We're home. Shit.

KIM'S FRIENDS
 Everything's still sopping.I can hardly wait to take a shower.And to sleep in a bed.

JIM
If my parents have the alarm set,I'm screwed.

KIM
I told you to call them and tell them we're coming back early.But did you?Nope, he'd rather
complain.

JIM
How else am I supposed to get attention? You didn't call your parents.

KIM
They don't run things like a police state.Bye. Thanks for driving, Denny.　Bye.

DENNY
Bye.　

KIM
Bye. Don't forget your arm!

JIM
Oh, yeah.

DENNY
Come on, Jim, let's go.

INT. KIM'S ROOM
Kim enters her room. Kim screams when she sees Edward.  She runs to her parents.

KIM
There's somebody in my room! Go look! Look!
He's a murderer! He's got an axe!
He tried to kill me!

BILL
Everything's OK.

KIM
Mom, go look!

PEG
Go back to bed, Kevin.

Kim screams hysterically.

Bill leads Edward downstairs.

BILL
This way.

PEG
Edward's come to live with us.
There is nothing to be upset about.

BILL
OK. We'll have you set up here in a minute.
We got a full queen-size bed here, believe it or not.
Oh, it's all made and everything. Good. There you go.
What's the matter? What's wrong?

Bill chuckles.

BILL
She get you nervous? You've been cloistered away
up in that castle too long. You don't know about the wonderful world
of teenage girls. They're all crazy.

Bill hands Edward a drink.

BILL
Here, this'll straighten you right out.

EDWARD
What is it?

BILL
Lemonade. I don't know what it is. They reach a certain age...
They develop these gland things, their bodies swell up...
They go crazy.

EDWARD
Glands?

BILL
Yeah, glands. I try not to think about it.

Edward chokes on the drink.

BILL
Good, isn't it?

INT. KEVIN'S ROOM
Peg speaks to Edward.

PEG
Now, you stay in Kevin's room tonight
and tomorrow we'll fix your room right up.

KIM
Why did you have to bring him here?

PEG
I couldn't have left him all alone.
You'd have done the same.

KIM
Why does he have to stay here?

PEG
My goodness, Kim, I'm surprised at you. He can't help the way he is.
Have a little sympathy.

KIM
I do have sympathy.

PEG
Then say a little greeting. Come downstairs, shake the man's hand...

KIM
Shake his hand?!

PEG
Well, not literally. Goodness, you scared him half to death!

KIM
I scared him to death?

INT. LIVING ROOM

PEG
Hi, Bill! I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction.
Edward, this is our daughter Kim. Kim, this is Edward,
who's gonna live with us.

Edward groans.

KIM
Hi.

EDWARD
H-h-h... H-h-h...

Edward falls over.

EXT. YARD

NEIGHBOR
Eddie! Thirsty? Kisses! Hush up!
Shh, quiet now!
Darlin', I can hardly hear myself think!

Edward trims the dog's hair.

NEIGHBOR
Momma's precious little baby girl...
Aah! Wouldn't you like
a nice cool glass of lemonade?

EDWARD
Lemonade?

Edward throws up.

INT. CLASSROOM
Kevin is showing off Edward to his class for Show-and-Tell.

KEVIN
One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over.
Sharpest things in the world.
They can hack through anything.
And...

EXT. YARD
Kim and her friends are looking at Edward's topiaries.

JIM
They give me the creeps.

FRIEND
You should see the clown in Miss Peters' yard.

Edward calls out to Kim.

EDWARD
Kim!

KIM
Oh, no.

JIM
That's him? He's calling you, Kimba.

Jim picks up Kim and shows her to Edward.

KIM
Stop it!

MARGE
Edward, you forgot your cookies.

JIM
Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for ya!

KIM
Stop!

FRIEND
Let's go.


INT. DINING ROOM

PEG
Bill, Edward had lunch at Jackie's today...and she just had
her kitchen completely redone.

BILL
I'll be darned.

FRIEND
New paint, new cabinets, new floors...
...a new microwave, new silent dishwasher...

PEG
Isn't that wonderful?
Jim, didn't you just tell me
your mom had her kitchen done too?

JIM
Yeah, my dad bought himself a bunch of new toys. Big-screen TV, CD players,
VCR with four heads...

PEG
My goodness sake! I wonder what it's like to be that rich.

JIM
They keep things locked up. My father has his own room for his stuff
to make sure I can't use it. He won't even help me buy an old car.

BILL
He probably wants you to pay for it yourself. It builds character.
You'll appreciate it more.

KIM
Dad!

BILL
Speaking of money... I understand you're
not charging for your gardening, Edward.

PEG
Now, Bill... Marge made him cookies today.

BILL
Sweetheart...You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
You can't buy a car with cookies. Am I right, Jim?

JIM
Uh, that's true, sir, you can't.

Edward cuts the meat for everyone.  He offers it to Kim's friend.

FRIEND
I... I can't eat that. He used his hands.
It's... I don't think it's sanitary.

Edward drops the meat on Kim's lap accidentally.  Kim looks irritated.

EDWARD
I'm sorry.

PEG
Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?

KIM
No, that's OK.

KIM
I'll be right back.

EXT. YARD
Edward trims a dog's hair.

NEIGHBOR
Alexis? Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis!
She looks so beautiful! Look at you! Sweetie!
She's gorgeous. Thank you!

The neighbors line up for Edward to trim their dogs' hair.

JOYCE
It won't be long.
She just has to decide on the style.
And then it'll be fine.

Joyce speaks to Edward.

JOYCE
I was hopin' for somethin' big
and kinda bouffant. Kinda like mine?
Now don't you worry, Kisses, you're gonna
be just fine. You're gonna be so pretty.
Yes, you are.

Edward starts.

Oh! Oh! My! Oh! Ohh! Oh! Eddie, is there anything you can't do?
You take my very breath away, I swear. Look at this!
Have you ever cut a woman's hair?
Would you cut mine?

Edward cuts Joyce's hair.

JOYCE
That was the single most thrillin' experience
of my whole life.

Edward cuts all the women's hair, including Peg's.

INT. ROOM

PEG
They're getting the head of the company!

KIM
I'm home!

PEG
Hi, honey. We're in here.

KIM
Hi.

PEG
Hi!

KIM
What did you do to your hair?

PEG
Edward cut it. Isn't it wild?

Peg is speaking to her Avon superior on the phone.

PEG
Hello? Oh, I can't believe I'm talking to you in person.
This is such an honour. Yes. He's right here.
So then you know all about it. Uh-huh. Well, that's exactly
what I've been using. Well, I've had a little trouble getting it
the right consistency... well, just a little. I'll try that. Uh-huh.

EXT.ROAD
Kim doesn't have a key and is in trouble.


JIM
You got it?

KIM
No. I can't believe this. This is such a drag.

MARGE
Hi! Bye.

EDWARD
Bye.

KIM
Do you have a key?

EDWARD
No.

JIM
I could have sworn they were in my purse.
Well, we're stranded.

Edward opens the door for them.

KIM
Wow! Thanks!

JIM
Ed! What a guy! Good job. You didn't break it or scratch it or anything.
Hey, be a pal and yell when Peg pulls in, huh?

INT. TV STUDIO
Edward and Peg are on a TV show.  The host is going through the audience, taking
questions from the viewers.

VIEWER (TO EDWARD)
Do you have any plans to open your own beauty salon?

HOST
Oh, there's an idea! Anyone else? Yeah. Stand right up.

VIEWER
Do you have a girlfriend?

AUDIENCE
Ohhhh!

INT.HOUSE
Kim, Jim and Kevin sit in front of the TV.

JIM
Sure he does. Right, Kim?

KEVIN
Right, Kim?

KIM
Great! Now you got him started.

JIM
Knock it off, bubble-butt.

KEVIN
You did it.

KIM
So?

HOST
How about it, Edward? Is there some special lady in your life?


INT.TV STUDIO
Edward is thinking.  Then he reaches for the microphone and is shocked.  He falls over.


JIM
Ooh...

HOST
Uh... everything's all right. We'll take a break
and we'll be back after these messages.

Jim and Kevin are laughing.

KIM
Why are you laughing? He got hurt!

JIM
It was just a little shock. What do you care?

KIM
 A little shock?!

JIM
I wish we'd been taping that. I'd give my left nut to see that again.


INT.CITY
Joyce takes Edward to the hairdressers.


JOYCE
Aren't you excited? This is so thrillin'! Wait till I show it to you. It's just perfect.
It's just what we've been lookin' for. I wanna call it Shear Heaven!
Ohh! And here we are. Now, all along here I'm gonna put a row of new mirrors.
Eddie! Come along, doll. Back up here a whole row of new cosmetics.
And all along this row here...

EDWARD
Peg could sell cosmetics.

JOYCE
Yeah... Sure. And this of course is where we wash the hair. And here is where I stand...
when I greet the customers. But back in here is what I really wanna show you.
Eddie... This is what I really want to show you. Now, this is the storeroom where we keep
everything...and what I need from you today is a decision I need you to help me make.
Oh, honey, no! No, don't. That's dangerous. Now, you just sit right down there...
I have some smocks. Would you like me to model them for you?

EDWARD
Yes.

JOYCE
OK. Now, this is my favourite. Because it's yellow... And what it's for... is to catch those
itchy little trimmings that fall down your neck. And then there's this old purple one that
you just kinda...drape around you like this.

EDWARD
I like that one.

JOYCE
Why, Eddie, you're tremblin'. So am I! I've been waitin' for this moment for so long.

They fall over. Edward leaves.

JOYCE
Aagghh! Edward! Edward, you come back here! You can't do that!


INT.RESTAURANT
Edward eats with Kim's family.

BILL
Velcro, sweetheart. It hangs on the dashboard.

PEG
I've never seen that.

EDWARD
Sorry I'm late.

PEG
Hi, Edward. Sorry, dear, we had to go ahead without you.

There you go.

PEG
So, Edward, did you have a productive day?

EDWARD
Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon will be.
You could have a cosmetics counter.

PEG
Wouldn't that be great?

BILL
Great.

EDWARD
Then she showed me the back room
where she took all her clothes off.

BILL
Edward, I can't tell you how thrilled I am.
I'm as pleased as punch. This venture's gonna
 teach you volumes. There's nothin' like
running your own business. I've never done it myself...
...but I gather it's the greatest satisfaction
a working man can have. So I guess the bank's
gonna be your next step, huh?

EDWARD
The bank?

BILL
Yeah. Take out a loan, get yourself started.
Nothin' to worry about. With your talent
and reputation, it's gonna be a snap.

PEG
Yeah.

Questions
1.  What is Kim's reaction when she first sees Edward?
2.  Why does Joyce get angry at Edward?
3.  Why does Bill think Edward should go to a bank?