You've Got Mail Part 3

You've Got Mail Part 3 By Toru Odaka, Fumi Igarashi, and Tomoe Kanke

INT. ZABAR'S CHEESE DEPARTMENT - NIGHT

The place is mobbed -- the usual crush the night before
Thanksgiving.

Kathleen, pushing a shopping cart, is trying to wedge her way
through the crowd in the cheese department. As she reaches
across three people to grab some Brie, she sees Joe walk into
the store. Quickly, she turns her back so he can't see her.
She stands there frozen. A beat...

Peeks around, doesn't see him anywhere. Cranes her neck this
way and that. No Joe.

INT. ZABAR'S CASHIER AREA - CONTINUOUS

Kathleen, now wearing dark glasses but looking not at all
disguised, looks around and spots a short line and makes a
beeline for it.

At that moment, Joe comes from the Appetizing Department and
gets on the line she was heading for.

Panicked, Kathleen retreats onto another line and stands with
her back to him.

INT. SAME SCENE - MOMENTS LATER

The CASHIER totals up Kathleen's purchases and Kathleen hands
over her credit card.

CASHIER
$72.27. This is a Cash Only line. Cash only.


KATHLEEN
Oh my god, I just have a credit card. I’m sorry. Is
that okay?

PERSON BEHIND HER IN LINE
No, it's not okay, there's a sign.


KATHLEEN
I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I never do this. But I
ask you to make an exception in this one case.


PERSON IN LINE
You have no cash?

PERSON IN LINE
(to the person behind her)
She has no cash.

"She doesn't have cash" is repeated all the way down the
line.

Joe turns to see what's going on.

SHOPPER 1
No, she has no cash.

SHOPPER 2
Get in another line, lady.

KATHLEEN
I have a dollar. That’s all I have. I have a dollar.
One dollar. Is there anything you can do?

JOE
Do you need some money?

KATHLEEN
No, I don't need any money. Thank you
very much.

CASHIER
Get in another line.

JOE
Hi.
(off her nametag, big smile)
Rose. That is a great name. Rose, this is
Kathleen, I'm Joe, and-

PERSON IN LINE
And I’m Henry.

JOE(cont'd)
Henry, how are you? Happy holidays.
This is a credit card machine. Happy Thanksgiving.
It’s your turn to say Happy Thanksgiving back.

Rose just stares at him.

CASHIER
Happy Thanksgiving back.

Joe looks at her, winks.

JOE
Knock, knock.

CASHIER
Who’s there?

JOE
Orange.

CASHIER
Orange who?

JOE
Orange you going to give us a break by zipping this
credit card through the credit card machine?
Come on. You can do it. Zip, zip.

CASHIER
There you go.

The cashier, completely charmed, takes Kathleen's credit card.

JOE
Rose? That is a great name.


Everyone on the line signs irritably and audibly.

JOE
So you're fine.

KATHLEEN
Fine.

JOE
Happy Thanksgiving. Henry, Happy Thanksgiving.

KATHLEEN
I’m sorry. Really, I apologize. From the bottom
my heart.

PERSON IN LINE
So sign already! I’d like to get home.

CASHIER
You have my pen.

INT. JOE'S FATHER'S APARTMENT - THANKSGIVING DAY

An elegant East Side apartment. Schuyler, his youngish
French wife, YVETTE, Nelson, Gillian and their child Matt,
and Joe are sitting and listening as Annabel sings Tomorrow.

ANNABEL
The sun'll come up tomorrow, bet your
bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun. Just thinking about
tomorrow. Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow.
Till there’s none. When I’m stuck with a day that’s gray. And lovely I
just stick out my chin and grin. And say: Oh, the sun’ll come out
tomorrow. So you got to hang on till tomorrow. I love you, tomorrow.
You’re always a day. Away.

UNCLE
Wonderful.

ANNABEL
Thank you.

Joe is on a loveseat with Matt. Gillian lifts Matt up, sits
down in his place next to Joe and plunks Matt into her lap.
Nelson is already seated in a chair in front of the loveseat
and can't see her without turning around.

As she continues singing, Gillian moves her hand next to
Joe's leg. Joe edges away. He looks around the room, sees
Nanny Maureen standing behind the couch. He stands, offers
her his seat. She sits.

INT. KATHLEEN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

A much more informal Thanksgiving dinner. We see the
leftovers on a sideboard near a round table in Kathleen's
living room.

Kathleen, Frank, Birdie, Christina, George and George's new
girlfriend, Meredith and TWO OTHER FRIENDS are standing
around the upright piano. Birdie is playing a Christmas
song, and everyone is singing.

The violins. Sing with joyful ring. The violins. Sing with
joyful ring. The clarinet, the clarinet. Goes doodly, doodly,
doodly, doodly det the horn, the horn It sounds. The horn sounds
so forlorn. I got it.

As the singing continues, over, we cut to:

EXT. FOXBOOKS SUPERSTORE - DECEMBER DAY

As the Christmas decorations and twinkle lights go into the
window.

Birdie walks by the store. She stops to look at the
customers inside, and then notices a sign in the window:

"Book Signing January 10 - Best Selling Children's Author
Laura Margulies." There's a picture of Laura Margulies.

EXT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DECEMBER DUSK

Kathleen is in the window decorating a little tree with
lovely decorations from a box. Two people are carrying a
tree home, there's the sound of church bells.

Kathleen looks up as a couple of people walk past the store,
carrying Foxbooks shopping bags.

Then she unwraps a pair of ruby slipper ornaments, and as she
starts to hang them on the tree we hear the sound of the
computer.



KATHLEEN (V.O.)
It’s coming on Christmas. They’re cutting down trees.” Do you know that
Joni Mitchell song? “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Such a
sad song. And not really about Christmas at all. I was thinking about it
tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree. Unwrapping funky ornaments
made of Popsicle sticks and missing my mother so much I almost couldn’t
breathe. I always miss my mother at Christmas.
I always miss my mother at Christmas, but somehow it's worse this year
since I need some advice from her. I need her to make me cocoa. And tell me
that everything going badly in my life will sort itself out.


And we hear the sound of another computer.

INT. JOE'S DEN

As he replies to Kathleen.


INT. JOE'S DEN - NIGHT

JOE (V.O., cont'd)
What kind of advice do you need? Can I help?

INT. KATHLEEN'S BEDROOM - DAY

Kathleen in bed with her laptop reading Joe's letter.

She starts to type a response.

Suddenly there's harp arpeggio and an Instant Message
flashes on screen.

From NY 152

CLOSE ON KATHLEEN - TOTAL SHOCK

ON SCREEN AS WE SEE THE MESSAGE

JOE (V.O.)
I had a gut feeling you would be on line now.

INT. JOE'S BEDROOM - DAY

Joe is in bed with his laptop. And cut back and forth
between them and their computer screens as they type Instant
Messages to one another. Possible split screens.

JOE (V.O., cont'd)
I can give you advice. I'm great at advice.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
I don't think you can help.

JOE (V.O.)
Is it about love?(Praying to himself) Say no.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
My business is in trouble. My mother
would have something wise to say.

JOE (V.O.)
I'm a brilliant businessman. It's what
I do best. What's your business?

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
No specifics, remember?

JOE (V.O.)
Minus specifics, it's hard to help. Except to say,
go to the mattresses.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
What?

JOE (V.O.)
It's from The Godfather. It means you
have to go to war.

CLOSE ON KATHLEEN - LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER

KATHLEEN
(to herself)
The Godfather?

She starts to type.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
What is it with men and The Godfather?

JOE (V.O.)
Oh, come on. Hello?

Joe scratches his chin, and does an impersonation of the Godfather.
Well, well, what can I... Michael.

JOE (V.O.)
The Godfather is the I Ching. The
Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The
Godfather is the answer to any question.
What should I pack for my summer
vacation? "Leave the gun, take the
cannoli." What day of the week is it?
"Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday."
And the answer to your question is "Go to
the mattresses."
(continued)

CAMERA ON KATHLEEN - CONSIDERING WHAT HE SAYS

JOE (cont'd)
You're at war. "It's not personal, it's
business. It's not personal it's
business." Recite that to yourself every
time you feel you're losing your nerve.
I know you worry about being brave, don’t this
is your chance. Fight. Fight to the
death.

KATHLEEN
It’s not personal. It’s business. Just fight, fight,
fight, fight!

INT. JOE'S APARTMENT - DAY

Patricia comes in as Joe is waiting for Kathleen's response.
INT. KATHLEEN'S BEDROOM - DAY

As Kathleen logs off, Frank comes in.

KATHLEEN
I’ve been thinking.

FRANK
What?

KATHLEEN
Frank, I've decided to go to the
mattresses. Do you think it would be a
gigantic conflict of interest if you
wrote something about the store?

FRANK
Yes.

KATHLEEN
Yes?

FRANK
No.

KATHLEEN
So you'll do it?

FRANK
Yes.

KATHLEEN
Do you know what it is to go to
the mattresses?

FRANK
From the Godfather.
INT. THE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DAY

It's January. The store is more crowded than we've seen it.
Frank is there with several copies of the Independent. The
phone is ringing off the hook. Christina and George are
fielding calls. Birdie is reading Frank's article.

GEORGE
Good morning, Shop Around Corner George speaking, may I help you!

WOMAN SHOP GIRL
The Channel Two truck just pulled up.

KATHLEEN
In a second.

WOMAN SHOP GIRL
Everyone’s read the article.

BIRDIE
And so, you do not have to look to any of the usual places where good and
evil face off. The places Herodotus called it‘the happy land of
absolutes.’ We have the perfect example here on the West Side where the
cold cash cow Fox Books threatens survival of a temple to one of the
twentieth century’s most profound truths: You are what you read.

FRANK
I believe that.

BIRDIE
(reading)
Save the Shop Around the Corner and you
will save your own soul." Frank, that's
charming.

Frank smiles.

FRANK
You think it's a little over the top?

GEORGE
That was The Village Voice I told them to come over Whenever.

KATHLEEN
Okay. All right. Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee.


INT. TELEVISION SCREEN - THAT NIGHT

DEMONSTRATORS
One, two, three, four! We don’t want your superstore! Five, six,
seven, eight! Go away and close the gate! One, two, three, four!

Joe is drinking coffee inside the shop. listening with his father and grandfather.
JOE
We don’t want this superstore. Is that what they’re saying?

NELSON
Catchy, yeah.

JOE
Well, who wrote that?

NELSON
Annoying. Pissing me off, actually.

Kathleen is speaking outside the store on a loudspeaker.

KATHLEEN
Do you want the West side to become one big gigantic strip mall? Do you
want to get off the Subway at 72nd and Broad way and not even know you’re
in New York City! Can we save The Shop Around The Corner?


CHANNEL 2 TV REPORTER
We’re here.
We're here in front of the Shop Around
the Corner, the famous West Side
children's bookstore now on the verge of
having to close its doors because the big
bad wolf, Foxbooks, has opened only a few
hundred feet away, wooing customers with
its sharp discounts and designer coffee.

KATHLEEN
They have to have discounts and lattes,
because most of the people who work there
have never read a book.

And pull back now to reveal that we're in:

INT. GYM - NIGHT

Five TV sets are on, over adjoining treadmills, Joe and
Kevin are on two of the treadmills, walking and watching.

JOE
She's not as nice as she seems on
television.

KEVIN
You met her?

JOE
Boy, she's a pill.

KEVIN
She probably aint as fine as she
look on TV either.

JOE
No, no, she's beautiful. But she’s a pill.

KEVIN
So you don't feel bad about basically sending her ass back to
the projects with food stamps? Broke, Single, White
lady.


JOE
It's not personal --

KEVIN
It's business.

JOE
Here’s a good-looking guy.

They look up at the television.

INT. TELEVISION SCREEN - CONTINUOUS

Joe onscreen, with a super: Joe Fox, Vice-President Foxbooks.

JOE
I sell cheap books, so sue me.

NEWS REPORTER(V.O.)
And that, in a nutshell is the Fox Books
philosophy..

On Joe and Kevin.

KEVIN
That's what you said?

JOE
(outraged)
Yeah, That's not all I said. -- I can't
believe those bastards -- I said we were
great, I said you could read for hours and
no one will bother you, I said we had 150,000
titles, I showed them the New York City section. I said
we were a goddamn piazza. A place in the city where people
could mingle and mix .

KEVIN
Piazza?

JOE
I was eloquent. Shit. It's
inevitable, I guess ? People want to turn her into Joan of Arc --

KEVIN
-- and you into Attila the Hun.

JOE
not me personally, but like it's the company yeah.

KATHLEEN
(on the television)
I have met Joe Fox, and I’ve heard him
compared his store to a Price Club and the
books in it to cans of olive oil.

Joe stops running, stunned as the treadmill takes him backward.

INT. KATHLEEN's BEDROOM - NIGHT

Frank and Kathleen are watching Frank being interviewed on television.
The host is Sidney-Ann.

SIDNEY-ANN
The bookstore, tell us about it.

FRANK ON TELEVISION
The Shop Around The Corner has a kind of Jeffersonian purity to it that
the city needs in order to maintain historical integrity.

SIDNEY-ANN
Jeffersonian purity.

KATHLEEN
Thank you. That was nice. That sounded good.

FRANK
Are you taping this?

KATHLEEN
Yeah, I’m taping this.


FRANK ON TELEVISION
Technologically speaking, the world's
out of hand. I mean, take the VCR. The whole
idea behind the VCR is that it makes it possible
for you to tape what's on television
when you leave the house. Of course the
whole idea behind leaving the house is
so you can miss what's on television.
Radio. Now there's a medium I can get
behind.

KATHLEEN
I’ve heard you say that before.

FRANK
She hasn’t.

SIDNEY-ANN
Absolutely. Right.

FRANK
She gets it.

KATHLEEN
Are you going to start collecting radios now?

SIDNEY-ANN
We’re on television. You’re good at it.

KATHLEEN
She’s coming on to you.

FRANK
No. They do this on television.

FRANK ON TELEVISION
The Shop Around the Corner: it’s a true New
York treasure.

SIDNEY-ANN ON TELEVISION
As are you. Honestly, I'd love to have you back.

KATHLEEN
Is she sweating? She’s touching herself. And she’s sweating.

FRANK ON TELEVISION
Any time.

FRANK
Okay, we can turn it off.

KATHLEEN
Oh my god.

FRANK ON TELEVISION
I just want to say that yours is the only
show I do watch .

KATHLEEN
(appalled)
Oh my god.

FRANK
No, I was being polite.

SIDNEY-ANN ON TELEVISION
Thank you, Frank Navasky.

FRANK ON TELEVISION
Thank you’re···? I’m sorry. (Laughs) Thank you're.

KATHLEEN
Thank you’re?

SIDNEY-ANN ON TELEVISION
Thank you’re, ladies and gentlemen.

FRANK
Okay, I admit, I slobbered all over her, didn’t I?

They both laugh.

KATHLEEN
Yeah.

FRANK
But I think that there’s something there.

The show continues.

EXT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DUSK

As we see Kathleen flip the open sign to closed.

INT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DUSK

George is talking to Kathleen and Birdie, who is toting up
the week's receipts. They sit down to talk, but then
George walks in. Kathleen makes a sign not to speak while
George is there.

GEORGE
So first I have to go get some eucalyptus candles
because it makes my apartment smell mossy. Then I'm
going to the market and I can't decide whether to get
sausage for the meat sauce or chopped meat.

BIRDIE
Spare us.

GEORGE
You know what? Clam sauce. Because this is a big date.

George goes out the door. Birdie looks at Kathleen.

KATHLEEN
Don't tell me. Not the slightest difference?

Birdie shakes her head.

KATHLEEN (cont'd)
How can that be? All this publicity
and not one bit of difference?
Oh Birdie, what am I going to do? What
would Mom have done?

BIRDIE
Well Let's ask her.

She opens the locket hanging around her neck. There's a
picture of Kathleen's mother inside it. Birdie holds the
locket up to her face.

BIRDIE
Cecilia, what should we do?

Birdie holds the locket to her ear and listens. A pause.

KATHLEEN
Birdie?

BIRDIE
Shhhh.
(after a beat)
She has no idea, but she thinks the window display is lovely.

Birdie gets up, and kisses Kathleen on the cheek.

BIRDIE
Good night, dearie.

KATHLEEN
Good night.


INT. KATHLEEN's APT.

Kathleen is typing a message on her computer.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)
I need help. Do you still want to meet me?

EXT. JOE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Rain is falling.

We hear the sound of the computer.

JOE (V.O.)
" I would love to meet you. Where? When?"

EXT. FOXBOOKS - NIGHT

As Joe and Kevin walk out of the store and start downtown.

KEVIN
I suppose she's carrying a copy of a book
with a flower in it.

Joe doesn't say anything.

KEVIN
Not really. She could be a real dog.

JOE
I’m only staying ten minutes. I'll say hello.
Have a cup of coffee and then split.
That’s what I’m going to do.

He looks at Kevin.

EXT. 83RD STREET - NIGHT

As the two men walk toward Cafe Lalo, the European cafe on
West 83rd Street.

JOE
Hope she doesn’t have a squeaky voice like the mice
in Cinderella. I hate that. Why am I doing this?
Why am I compelled to meet her?! Why?

KEVIN
Relax.You're just taking it to the next level. I
always do that. I always take a
relationship to the next level, and if it
works okay I take it to the next level
after that, until I can finally get to
the level where it becomes absolutely
necessary for me to leave.

JOE
I'm not going to stay long anyway. I
already said that, didn't I. Well, okay.
Café Lalo. This is it. Eight o’clock.
Boy, we got here fast, didn’t we?

As they reach:

EXT. CAFE LALO - CONTINUOUS

Joe stops and looks at Kevin.

JOE
Kevin, this woman is the most adorable
creature I’ve ever come in contact
with and if she turns out even to be as
good-looking as a mailbox, I’d be
crazy not to turn my life upside down
and marry her.

KEVIN
She could be a real dog. But good luck.

Kevin starts to leave, but Joe holds on to his jacket.

JOE
Would you go and look for me?

KEVIN
Me?

JOE
Yes, go look through the window and check her out.
Please?

KEVIN
All right. You're pathetic, man.

Joe sits on a bench outside.

JOE
I know.

KEVIN
All right. I’ll see what I see.

Kevin goes to the window and looks inside.

EXT. CAFE LALO - NIGHT

Joe and Kevin in front.

Kevin looks in the window.

JOE
You see her?

KEVIN
Wait, yeah. I see a very beautiful girl.
She’s fine.

JOE
I knew it.

KEVIN
She’s gorgeous.

JOE
I knew she would be. I knew it.

KEVIN
But no book.

Kevin laughs, but Joe is not amused.

KEVIN
All right. Okay, wait. Wait a minute. There's
a book with a flower, so this got to be her.

JOE
And what does she look like?

KEVIN
Can’t see her. Waiter’s blocking.

JOE
Damn it!

KEVIN
Hold on. He’s moving.

JOE
Can you see her? Can you see her?

KEVIN
Yeah.

JOE
And? --

KEVIN
(clearly frustrated)
She's very pretty.

JOE
She is! I knew she would be! She had
to be! She had to be!

KEVIN
You know what? She looks... I mean, she
almost has the same coloring of that Kathleen Kelly
person.

JOE
Kathleen Kelly of the little bookstore?

KEVIN
Why not? You said you thought she was
attractive.

JOE
Absolutely, yes. Why not? Who cares about Kathleen Kelly?

KEVIN
Well, if you don't like Kathleen Kelly,
I can tell you right now you ain't going to
like this girl.

JOE
Why not?

KEVIN
Because it is Kathleen Kelly.

Joe elbows Kevin aside and looks.

JOE
Oh, God.

A long beat.

KEVIN
So what are you going to do?

JOE
Nothing.

KEVIN
You're going to let her wait all night?

JOE
Yes. That's exactly what I'm going to do.
Good night, Kevin. I'll see you in the morning.

He walks away, leaving Kevin.

Kevin stares after him. Then he walks away in the other
direction.

INT. CAFE LALO - CONTINUOUS

Kathleen, sitting alone, at a table for two, is drinking her
tea. She's starting to feel a little foolish. She checks
her watch.

A loud, boisterous group comes in and sits at the table next
to hers. They're laughing. A man from the group grabs the
empty chair at Kathleen's table.

MAN
Do you mind if I borrow this chair?

Kathleen jumps up.

KATHLEEN
Oh, yes. I mind. Sorry. I'm expecting someone.

WAITER
Would you like another tea?

KATHLEEN
Yes. Thank you.

She takes the chair back. Sits down again. She watches the
group as they playfully fight over the menus.

She checks her watch again. Then she opens her copy of Pride
and Prejudice and looks at it. She can't focus.

A man comes into the restaurant and she looks up hopefully at
him. But he's going to meet another group of people.

As he passes her table, he knocks the book and the flower
onto the floor.

KATHLEEN
Oh!

She jumps up and rescues the book and flower as if they were
precious china.

In the window, now, behind her, Joe appears. He watches, as
she rearranges the book and the flower.

He disappears from sight.

A beat...

He walks in the door.

JOE
Kathleen Kelly. Hello. This is a
coincidence. Would you mind if I sat down?

KATHLEEN
Yes, I would, actually. I'm expecting someone.

Joe picks up her book, looks at it.

JOE
Pride and Prejudice.

Kathleen grabs it back.

KATHLEEN
Do you mind?

She places it back on the table, puts the rose into it.

JOE
I bet you read that book every year. I bet you just
love that Mr. Darcy, your sentimental
heart beats wildly at the thought he
and you know whatever her name is are truly,
honestly going to end up together.

Joe sits down.

WAITER
Can I get you something?

KATHLEEN
No, he’s not staying.

JOE
Mochaccino decaf,nonfat.

KATHLEEN
No. You are not staying!

JOE
I’ll stay until your friend gets here.
Is he late?

KATHLEEN
The heroine of Pride and Prejudice is
Elizabeth Bennet. She's a great and complex
characters, not that you would know.

JOE
As a matter of fact I've read it.

KATHLEEN
Well, good for you.

JOE
I think you'd discover a lot of things if
you really knew me.

KATHLEEN
If I really knew you, I know what I would
find -- instead of a brain, a cash
register, instead of a heart, a bottom
line.

Kathleen is shocked at herself.

JOE
What?

KATHLEEN
I just had a breakthrough.

JOE
What is it?

KATHLEEN
I have you to thank for it. For the first time in
my life, when confronted with a horrible,
insensitive person I knew exactly what I
wanted to say and I said it.

JOE
You have a gift for it. That was a
perfect blend of poetry and meanness.

KATHLEEN
Meanness? Let me tell you something about meanness.

JOE
Don't misunderstand me, I'm trying to pay
you a compliment.

He lifts the book off the table. Kathleen grabs for it.

KATHLEEN
Why are you touching that? What are you doing?

She manages to get the book, leaving Joe with the rose.

JOE
Is this a red rose? No, It’s a crimson
rose. Something you read about in a book,
no doubt.

KATHLEEN
It’s funny to you, isn’t it?

Joe puts the rose in his mouth.

KATHLEEN (cont'd)
Everything is a joke to you.

Two women walk into the store. Kathleen and Joe watch them for a
moment.

KATHLEEN (cont'd)
Please leave. Please, please leave. I beg you.

He stands up, walks from the table.

KATHLEEN
Thank you.

He sits down at the very next table, with his back to her.
Kathleen is stunned. Then she blots her lipstick with her
handkerchief.

JOE
You know what that handkerchief reminds
me of? The first day I met you --

KATHLEEN
The first day you lied to me --

JOE
I didn't lie to you --

KATHLEEN
You did too --

JOE
No I didn’t. I did not --

KATHLEEN
Yes, you did. Did too. You did too.
I thought all that Fox stuff was so charming. F-O-X.

JOE
Well, I didn’t lie about it --

KATHLEEN
"Joe. Just call me Joe."

JOE
Sure.
KATHLEEN
As if you were one of those stupid 22-year-old girls with
no last name. "Hi, I'm Kimberley." "Hi, I'm Janice."
Don't they know you're supposed to
have last names? It's like they're an
entire generation of cocktail waitresses.

She stops herself -- it's a tangent she never meant to go off
on. But Joe has stood up and seated himself back at her
table.

JOE
Look,I am not a stupid 22-year-old cocktail waitress.

KATHLEEN
That's not what I meant --

JOE
When I said the thing about the cans of olive oil, that’s
not what I meant --

KATHLEEN
Oh, you poor sad multimillionaire. I feel so sorry for you.

The door opens and a large and very attractive TRANSVESTITE
in a boa comes in the door.

JOE
Take a wild guess that him, either. So who is he,
I wonder? Certainly, not, I gather, the world's greatest
living expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, but someone
else entirely different. Will you be you be mean to him too?

KATHLEEN
No, I will not. The man who's
coming here tonight is completely unlike
you. The man who is coming here tonight is kind
and funny; he’s got the most wonderful
sense of humor --

JOE
But he's not here.

KATHLEEN
If he's not here, he has a reason,
because there is not a cruel or careless
bone in his body. I wouldn't expect you to
understand anybody like that.
You with your theme park, multilevel
homogenize-the-world mochaccinoland.
You’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re
some sort of benefactor bringing books to the masses.
But no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox.
And maybe no one will remember me either,
but plenty of people remember my mother.
And they think she was fine and they think her
store was something special. You are nothing but a suit.

A beat. Joe gets up.

JOE
That’s my cue. Good night.

Joe leaves.